Careful what you say it will come back to bite you in the hoo hoo
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My
wonderful brother-in-law and I, God rest his soul, always had a unique
relationship. Jake was always a bit of a hot head, which he would freely
share. We became extremely close over the years despite some head
butting moments. I thought I'd share a funny exchange between the two of
us. Jake passed away from cancer a few years ago. Thus, all proceeds
from this hub will go to St. Jude for cancer research.
When Jake and my sister, Kelly, were getting married, they had elected to do so in their own backyard. Jake had a sister, Sally. The night of the rehearsal Sally knew the pressure that Jake and my sister were under and with malice took advantage of the situation. She had gotten the bug in her craw over not being the center of attention and I have come to realize over the years that it doesn't require much to send her into one of her snits.When she's not, the center of attention, she gets in quite the mood and loves to cause chaos. Sally began making snide remarks to me. I was taken aback as I had no idea what I had done to offend her at this point. It never dawned on me that the reason was that it was irritating her that I was the matron of honor, which left her in an inferior position as she saw it. Sally began trying to tell my sister where the bridesmaids should walk and where they should stand. She had wanted us to walk up the pathway, the makeshift aisle, in a manner that left her standing next to the bride. Still, at this point in our relationship, I was naive and did not know this was her game. I dared to comment to the contrary that this did not seem quite right to me. Kelly agreed. This left Sally stewing. She began making comments to Jake, unbeknownst to the rest of us, how I was trying to "control" the wedding. We found out later that she told him that he was just standing back and allowing me to take over. Jake, at this point in his life, could be easily manipulated by his sister. Let me share this as well, my sister is not one to allow anyone to "take over" so this comment was absurd in itself. Kelly had relied on me to help her plan her wedding as these types of things are not her cup of tea. I gladly did so as her big sister and my best friend as well. This all seems quite normal to me. But, when you are not dealing with a rational human being .... you get the point.
When Jake and my sister, Kelly, were getting married, they had elected to do so in their own backyard. Jake had a sister, Sally. The night of the rehearsal Sally knew the pressure that Jake and my sister were under and with malice took advantage of the situation. She had gotten the bug in her craw over not being the center of attention and I have come to realize over the years that it doesn't require much to send her into one of her snits.When she's not, the center of attention, she gets in quite the mood and loves to cause chaos. Sally began making snide remarks to me. I was taken aback as I had no idea what I had done to offend her at this point. It never dawned on me that the reason was that it was irritating her that I was the matron of honor, which left her in an inferior position as she saw it. Sally began trying to tell my sister where the bridesmaids should walk and where they should stand. She had wanted us to walk up the pathway, the makeshift aisle, in a manner that left her standing next to the bride. Still, at this point in our relationship, I was naive and did not know this was her game. I dared to comment to the contrary that this did not seem quite right to me. Kelly agreed. This left Sally stewing. She began making comments to Jake, unbeknownst to the rest of us, how I was trying to "control" the wedding. We found out later that she told him that he was just standing back and allowing me to take over. Jake, at this point in his life, could be easily manipulated by his sister. Let me share this as well, my sister is not one to allow anyone to "take over" so this comment was absurd in itself. Kelly had relied on me to help her plan her wedding as these types of things are not her cup of tea. I gladly did so as her big sister and my best friend as well. This all seems quite normal to me. But, when you are not dealing with a rational human being .... you get the point.
The story begins with my sister, Kelly, and brother-in-law's wedding,
which they were having in their back yard. Kelly's future
sister-in-law, Sally, can be a bit of an instigator. And, I am sorry to
say, not in a positive way. Kelly and Jake had been under a great deal
of stress, as besides the wedding, they had been remodeling their house,
and the one bathroom that they have was not looking like it would be
finished for the wedding. They actually finished the bathroom the
morning of the wedding.
quite fitting my sister raises rotweillers :)
What
I haven't shared yet is how Sally had called me weeks prior to the
wedding and tried to tear my sister down by finding fault with many
things that she had said or done during the planning of the wedding. I
calmly gave a rebuttal to each comment that she had made about Kelly and
gave her a more probable explanation about the things that she was
complaining about. I reasoned that perhaps she was just under a lot of
stress. I try hard to give people the benefit of the doubt.
Along came the shower and, me being the matron of honor and enjoying making things, I had handmade the favors and organized the shower with the help of all of the girls standing up and of course our wonderful and supportive mother. The women on the groom's side of the family were all raving about the favors and the shower in general. I had no idea this was already irking her and planting the seeds of resentment. After the shower, Sally asked me how much she owed for her portion of the shower. I replied that she should contribute whatever she felt comfortable giving. She demanded that I give her an amount. I told her that I was not comfortable assigning her what to contribute. I did not say so but in her conversation when she was complaining about my sister she had already told me that finances were an issue for her. I did not want to ask for too much. Apparently, this made her mad too. Seems I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.
At the rehearsal she barked out a hello to me. I thought she was having a bad day. I was unaware that she has been letting things fester. As we were walking to the back area of the lawn to begin practicing for the procession, her daughter asked where we were going. Sally snapped out, "follow the leader. She seems to know everything." Now I caught on that she was not just having a bad day but had it in for me. As we were standing back in the yard, Sally asked me what was going on the next day. I was perturbed by now. I replied firmly, "ask Kelly." She snipped and demanded, "You tell me what is going on tomorrow. I am sure YOU know." In a matter of fact tone, as I had had enough of her bad attitude, my response was a firm, "ask Kelly." I know this embarrassed her as her daughter was also standing there. Quite frankly, I did not care by this point.
Along came the shower and, me being the matron of honor and enjoying making things, I had handmade the favors and organized the shower with the help of all of the girls standing up and of course our wonderful and supportive mother. The women on the groom's side of the family were all raving about the favors and the shower in general. I had no idea this was already irking her and planting the seeds of resentment. After the shower, Sally asked me how much she owed for her portion of the shower. I replied that she should contribute whatever she felt comfortable giving. She demanded that I give her an amount. I told her that I was not comfortable assigning her what to contribute. I did not say so but in her conversation when she was complaining about my sister she had already told me that finances were an issue for her. I did not want to ask for too much. Apparently, this made her mad too. Seems I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.
At the rehearsal she barked out a hello to me. I thought she was having a bad day. I was unaware that she has been letting things fester. As we were walking to the back area of the lawn to begin practicing for the procession, her daughter asked where we were going. Sally snapped out, "follow the leader. She seems to know everything." Now I caught on that she was not just having a bad day but had it in for me. As we were standing back in the yard, Sally asked me what was going on the next day. I was perturbed by now. I replied firmly, "ask Kelly." She snipped and demanded, "You tell me what is going on tomorrow. I am sure YOU know." In a matter of fact tone, as I had had enough of her bad attitude, my response was a firm, "ask Kelly." I know this embarrassed her as her daughter was also standing there. Quite frankly, I did not care by this point.
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It
never dawned on me that the reason was that it was irritating her that I
was the matron of honor, which left her in an inferior position in her
view. Sally began trying to tell my sister where the bridesmaids should
stand. She had wanted us to walk up the path walk, the makeshift aisle,
in a manner that left her standing next to the bride. Still, I was naive
and did not know this was her game and I dared to comment that this did
not seem quite right to me. Kelly agreed. This left Sally stewing. She
began making comments to Jake, unbeknownst to the rest of us, how I was
trying to control the wedding and why was he standing back and allowing
me to take over. Jake, at this point in his life, could be easily
manipulated by his sister. Let me share this as well, my sister is not
one to allow anyone to "take over" so this was absurd in itself. Kelly
had relied on me to help her plan her wedding as these types of things
are not her cup of tea. I gladly did so as her big sister and my best
friend as well.
What I haven't shared yet is how Sally had called me one day prior to the wedding and tried to rip my sister to shreds by finding fault with many things that she had said or done during the planning of the wedding. I calmly rebutted each comment that she had made about Kelly. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I reasoned that perhaps she was just under a lot of stress. Along came the shower and me being the matron of honor I had made the favors and organized the shower with the help of all of the girls standing up and of course our wonderful and supportive mother. The women on her side of the family were all raving about the favors and the shower in general. I had no idea this was already irking her and planting the seeds of resentment. After the shower, Sally asked me how much she owed for her portion of the shower. I replied that she should contribute whatever she felt comfortable giving. She demanded that I give her an amount. I told her that was not comfortable telling her how much to give. She had already told me that finances were an issue for her. I did not want to ask for too much. Apparently, this made her mad too.
At the rehearsal she barked out a hello to me. I thought she was having a bad day. I was totoally unaware that she has been letting things fester. As we were walking to the back area of the lawn to begin practicing for the procession, my daughter, the flower girl, asked where we were going. Sally snapped out, "follow the leader. She knows everything." Now I caught on that she was not just having a bad day but had it in for me. As we were standing back in the yard, Sally asked me what was going on the next day. I was perturbed by now. I replied firmly, "ask Kelly." She snipped out, "You tell me what is going on tomorrow. I am sure YOU know." In a matter of fact tone, as I had had enough of her bad attitude, my response was, "I said, ask Kelly." I know this embarrassed her as her daughter was also standing there. Quite frankly, I did not care by this point.
What I haven't shared yet is how Sally had called me one day prior to the wedding and tried to rip my sister to shreds by finding fault with many things that she had said or done during the planning of the wedding. I calmly rebutted each comment that she had made about Kelly. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I reasoned that perhaps she was just under a lot of stress. Along came the shower and me being the matron of honor I had made the favors and organized the shower with the help of all of the girls standing up and of course our wonderful and supportive mother. The women on her side of the family were all raving about the favors and the shower in general. I had no idea this was already irking her and planting the seeds of resentment. After the shower, Sally asked me how much she owed for her portion of the shower. I replied that she should contribute whatever she felt comfortable giving. She demanded that I give her an amount. I told her that was not comfortable telling her how much to give. She had already told me that finances were an issue for her. I did not want to ask for too much. Apparently, this made her mad too.
At the rehearsal she barked out a hello to me. I thought she was having a bad day. I was totoally unaware that she has been letting things fester. As we were walking to the back area of the lawn to begin practicing for the procession, my daughter, the flower girl, asked where we were going. Sally snapped out, "follow the leader. She knows everything." Now I caught on that she was not just having a bad day but had it in for me. As we were standing back in the yard, Sally asked me what was going on the next day. I was perturbed by now. I replied firmly, "ask Kelly." She snipped out, "You tell me what is going on tomorrow. I am sure YOU know." In a matter of fact tone, as I had had enough of her bad attitude, my response was, "I said, ask Kelly." I know this embarrassed her as her daughter was also standing there. Quite frankly, I did not care by this point.
That
gives you some background. As Sally continued putting a bug in Jake's
ear, along with all of the stressors of the wedding and his very
controlling family that he endured a lifetime of, it took its toll. (It
took me years of observing and understanding but I now realize how
Jake's family held him hostage to submission
or he would have been ostracized. Thus, for the rest of the world he
had to fight for his life not to be controlled or so he thought.)
After some emotional exchanges, we were finally finished with the rehearsal and were ready to depart for the dinner at a local restaurant. The children were in the local fields that held some pumpkin patches. My nephew LOVED pumpkins. At this point in his life, he had a collection of no less than 50 various shaped pumpkins. Children by their nature love nature anyway. Now, the driveway is long and narrow. The parents of the children were trying to round them up. It was not easy getting my nephew to come out of a pumpkin patch heaven. Jake and Kelly's car was near the house and no one could get out until the other cars were moved. Jake just snapped. The mounting pressure was just too much. He began yelling at everyone. My sister began yelling at him. Jake told all of us to get off his property. I tried talking to him and he looked at me and yelled at me and said that "none of us could control our kids."
After a long and emotional night, we all got through it and my sister and Jake had a lovely wedding. My brother, Tom, who had not arrived until the day of the wedding, said that it was like, llights, camera, action and no one was the wiser of all that had transpired. Of course Sally, true to form, refused to come for pre-wedding photos the next day with the bride and the ladies standing up. She wouldn't speak to me the day of the wedding. She tried to have her husband sit next to her at the head table when the groomsmen were supposed to be on one side and the ladies on the other. Kelly had to speak to her firmly to get her to cooperate. The minister said the prayer and unbeknownst to my sister or Jake she had put her daughter up to standing and saying an additional prayer directly after the minister finished because he was not catholic. The caterer, a friend of mine, told me that she put out the cookies and Sally was moving them all about to where she wanted them as her mother had baked the cookies. The caterer told me that left a table without cookies. I shrugged and gave her a brief summary of this personality type and said, "let it go." I knew what we were up against by now. It was really quite something to observe this individual in action.
It took some time for my relationship to rebuild with Jake. However, we became extremely close.
Let's fast forward five years.
My sister and Jake had a son, Tyler. At this point of the story he is four years old and as much of an individual as his parents. Kelly is also a very strong personality. Kelly runs her own kennel. She was in the back with the dogs and Tyler was playing in the sand box or so she thought. Tyler, being his usual self, had other plans than playing in the sand box.
Kelly said all of a sudden Tyler came up to her and said, "Mommy, Daddy is going to have to build us a new house."
Kelly asked, with fear as she knows her son, "Tyler, why is Daddy going to have to build us a new house?"
"Well," he went on. "I was going to bring the van back her to the kennel for you and I ran it into the garage."
Kelly said she looked Tyler over carefully and he seemed fine. She ran up to the house and sure enough there was the van a few feet from the garage, which was now in shambles. Kelly said she didn't know whether to scream at Tyler or hug him because he was ok after seeing the damage.
We were at an outing and as Kelly and Jake were relating this story to some friends, I said to Jake, "I hope you take this in the context that it is meant in good humor, but Jake, can't you control your kid?"
Jake laughed and said, "I know my grandmother always said be careful what you say as it will come back to bite you in the ass!"
We all laughed hysterically. This made me love my brother-in-law even more because, he, like the rest of us, had been humbled by a process called - parenting.
My brother-in-law passed away due to cancer. I will donate all proceeds made by this hub to research for cancer. I know you are with the angels my deal brother-in-law.
After some emotional exchanges, we were finally finished with the rehearsal and were ready to depart for the dinner at a local restaurant. The children were in the local fields that held some pumpkin patches. My nephew LOVED pumpkins. At this point in his life, he had a collection of no less than 50 various shaped pumpkins. Children by their nature love nature anyway. Now, the driveway is long and narrow. The parents of the children were trying to round them up. It was not easy getting my nephew to come out of a pumpkin patch heaven. Jake and Kelly's car was near the house and no one could get out until the other cars were moved. Jake just snapped. The mounting pressure was just too much. He began yelling at everyone. My sister began yelling at him. Jake told all of us to get off his property. I tried talking to him and he looked at me and yelled at me and said that "none of us could control our kids."
After a long and emotional night, we all got through it and my sister and Jake had a lovely wedding. My brother, Tom, who had not arrived until the day of the wedding, said that it was like, llights, camera, action and no one was the wiser of all that had transpired. Of course Sally, true to form, refused to come for pre-wedding photos the next day with the bride and the ladies standing up. She wouldn't speak to me the day of the wedding. She tried to have her husband sit next to her at the head table when the groomsmen were supposed to be on one side and the ladies on the other. Kelly had to speak to her firmly to get her to cooperate. The minister said the prayer and unbeknownst to my sister or Jake she had put her daughter up to standing and saying an additional prayer directly after the minister finished because he was not catholic. The caterer, a friend of mine, told me that she put out the cookies and Sally was moving them all about to where she wanted them as her mother had baked the cookies. The caterer told me that left a table without cookies. I shrugged and gave her a brief summary of this personality type and said, "let it go." I knew what we were up against by now. It was really quite something to observe this individual in action.
It took some time for my relationship to rebuild with Jake. However, we became extremely close.
Let's fast forward five years.
My sister and Jake had a son, Tyler. At this point of the story he is four years old and as much of an individual as his parents. Kelly is also a very strong personality. Kelly runs her own kennel. She was in the back with the dogs and Tyler was playing in the sand box or so she thought. Tyler, being his usual self, had other plans than playing in the sand box.
Kelly said all of a sudden Tyler came up to her and said, "Mommy, Daddy is going to have to build us a new house."
Kelly asked, with fear as she knows her son, "Tyler, why is Daddy going to have to build us a new house?"
"Well," he went on. "I was going to bring the van back her to the kennel for you and I ran it into the garage."
Kelly said she looked Tyler over carefully and he seemed fine. She ran up to the house and sure enough there was the van a few feet from the garage, which was now in shambles. Kelly said she didn't know whether to scream at Tyler or hug him because he was ok after seeing the damage.
We were at an outing and as Kelly and Jake were relating this story to some friends, I said to Jake, "I hope you take this in the context that it is meant in good humor, but Jake, can't you control your kid?"
Jake laughed and said, "I know my grandmother always said be careful what you say as it will come back to bite you in the ass!"
We all laughed hysterically. This made me love my brother-in-law even more because, he, like the rest of us, had been humbled by a process called - parenting.
My brother-in-law passed away due to cancer. I will donate all proceeds made by this hub to research for cancer. I know you are with the angels my deal brother-in-law.
